first blog of the new year...

2010.

I plan to go back to school and get my master's degree. I don't really know what else to do... I feel like I have been wasting precious minutes of my life.... partying is fun, but there is more to life than that. I want to help people.... I want to make a difference. I have yet to decide where I will be going to school.

Lawrence has never felt like home. Most of my first year I cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone. I tried to build strong friendships by asking people to hangout and inviting people over for dinner. But, I felt like it was all one sided... so I have long given up on that. I accept the fact that most of these people have known each other longer than they have known me.

I almost spent New Eve Year's alone this year... just as last year. Thank God a co-worker invited me over. It just sucks that I did not spend it with any of my "friends."

It made me think that I really AM alone out here. I have nothing to keep me here...

Even if the man I'm falling for... even if he felt the same way, I don't think it would be enough to keep me here. It is only a matter of time before I leave.... start a new chapter of my life.

My roommate is supportive. He tells me to do what is best for me. But is it terrible that I don't know what that is? At least not right now. I just wish I had a sign.. something to tell me that I am going the right way... that I am exactly where I should be.