Calliope - Muse of Epic Poetry

This Halloween my friend Saby and I are each going to be one of the 9 muses. My choice is Calliope.

I find my choice ironic since I no longer write poetry. And none of my poems have ever been close to "epic." But when I was 16 I wanted to be a writer.... a poet, and that was really the only muse that I seemed to relate to. So my Calliope in my head is a white dress... green hair & make-up, a leaf halo, a green sash, and a notebook & pen. This is the first costume that I have ever had to put together so it has been nerve recking. I'll try to remember to post pictures of how it all turns out.

It is sad to think back about the passion I had for writing... and how I just let it go. I gave up on writing because I was scared. I am someone who writes from the heart... so putting my heart out there for everyone to read was terrifying for me. I didn't want people judging me and lowering my self-esteem any more than where it is at. So my plan was to go into accounting and continue to write on the side.... but for my eyes only.

The problem is that... I have not been able to write anything really since I moved to Lawrence.

I have been trying to write a book.... but for some reason I can't seem to get the 1st chapter the way I want it. My preface is perfect.... and I fear that that's the only thing I will ever finish of it:(

"See, I refuse to believe that my life's gonna be just some string of incompletes."
- John Mayer

It is funny when you have everything you want to say in your head.... but it just doesn't seem to come out right on paper. And I use to be so good with words....

"Just say what you need to say"
- John Mayer

I wish it was that easy John. *sighs*

~Jet~

my temporary solution

The stress of my trip has started to hit me now. I am excited. And I should be off the wall happy. But I am not. I am wondering how long it will take me to pay off the "cost" of my trip. I have decided that when I come back.... instead of looking for that accounting job... I will be focused on getting a part time job. 2 jobs.... hmmm, not sure if I will be able to handle it... but I guess we will see.

I currently have no savings and I live paycheck to paycheck. So... I know I have to do something, if I am going to be out of debt by June. And I would like to have some savings.... you know in case something happens. Yeah.

So, that is my plan.... my solution, since I have been striking out with the whole accounting thing. I feel like I just wasted my time getting a degree, just because of the simple fact that I have not used it yet. Psh, I should have been a teacher or a writer.... nope, I had to go with accounting. *Rolls eyes at self* I am not happy with where my life is right now and I honestly don't know how to fix it. <= There are other things that make me say this statement aside from my job and finances.

But, hahaha... I am not going to get into my non-exitist love life with you guys.

Saby.... since I know you read this.... we are just going to have fun while I am out there. I will try to worry about everything else later. We will just have fun!!! Don't let me thing about these things while I am out there, okay?

~Jet~